


Courage of Stars

by asteroidhearts



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt, One Shot, Romance, SO SAD, SO SORRY, Sad, Sad Loki, bro a buncha cryin and tears, like seriously a lot, my bad yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 17:21:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5548916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asteroidhearts/pseuds/asteroidhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He remembers the way you smiled, the way the light bounced off your hair just right.  He remembers the way you spoke to him in a rhythmic fashion like every word you said to him was a symphony waiting to happen.  He remembers the way your laughter was unafraid, and how you put yourself into everything you set your eyes on.  He loved the way you looked when you were in deep concentration.</p><p>Though, he mostly remembers the last conversation you had with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Courage of Stars

**Author's Note:**

> SO VEry VERY SORRY ABOUT THIS. but also not really. i like breaking people's hearts. also i'm somehow really good at writing sad material. i really don't know how to feel about it. weird talent.
> 
> basically, this one-shot is the epitome of my profile, my dashboard, my works. it was written due to reverse procrastination (you know, when you're doing something productive but you're putting it off by doing ANOTHER equally productive thing), and also due to constant listening to Sleeping At Last. my favorite band. oh g- take me away i'm sad now.
> 
> please enjoy, leave some love. and love one another. also love Loki bc he's really sad right now.
> 
> RECOMMENDED SONGS TO LISTEN TO WHILE READING (if you want, guaranteed to help increase the tears):  
> \- "Saturn", Sleeping At Last  
> \- "Please Don't Go", Barcelona  
> \- "Uneven Odds", Sleeping At Last

 

_You taught me the courage of stars before you left_

_How light carries on even after death_

_With shortness of breath you explained the infinite_

_How rare and beautiful it is to even exist_

 

 

He remembers the way you smiled, the way the light bounced off your hair just right.  He remembers the way you spoke to him in a rhythmic fashion like every word you said to him was a symphony waiting to happen.  He remembers the way your laughter was unafraid, and how you put yourself into everything you set your eyes on.  He loved the way you looked when you were in deep concentration.

 

Though, he mostly remembers the last conversation you had with him.

 

“Tell me…” You croaked, eyes plastered on the fluorescent ceiling of your hospital room.

 

He scooted himself forward, arching towards you.  He wanted to be so much closer than he was.

 

“Yes, my darling?”

 

“How is it like… How does…” You coughed, and he couldn’t help the tears that began to brim his eyes.  “How does the universe look like?”

 

He gulped.  His hand held onto yours like a vice, not wanting to let go.  Never wanting to let go.

 

“I’ve never seen it before,” you said weakly.  It broke his heart to see you suffering this way.  “I’d like to know.”

 

He didn’t speak.  Instead he touched your hair, brushing it softly with his fingers.  He mapped your face like an explorer discovering new land, the very same way he gazed at you when you were stronger.  You were so pale, so translucent… He longed to see color fill your cheeks again with the passion that never failed to light up his day.  He would trade all of him to see you with life again.

 

“Please… Loki?  Tell me?”  You begged, turning your head towards him.  It felt like work to bring yourself to trace the contours of his face.  A tear fell from your right eye, meeting with another that came from your left, trailing down to the pillow beneath your head.

 

He placed a thumb on your chapped lips before lifting himself up from his chair, planting a kiss that brought warmth to your cold mouth.  When he sat back down, he nodded his head softly.

 

“It is beautiful, my love,” his voice trembled.  He absentmindedly rubbed a knuckle against your jaw, the thumb on his other hand grazing over your knuckles.  You closed your eyes.  “Grand, exquisite, I wish I had all the right words to describe it.  Not enough spend their time to gaze at the expanse of stars twinkling just in their backyard.  But I have, and every second my eyes linger upon the beauty of it all, I end up appreciating you more and more.”

 

You smiled through the tears lining your eyelashes.

 

“There are so many worlds and realms beyond where I would stand, each as serene as the other.  But my favorite celestial body will always be the stars.  The way they wink and scintillate, the way they fall ever so elegantly.  Do you remember it?”

 

You nodded your head as best as you could, faded images of your favorite memory painting your mind’s eye.

 

“Your home is a perfect scope to view the heavens.  I remember you staying up beyond your sleeping hours just to drag me to the balcony to witness a star falling across the sky.  I like best how you described the way it fell: ‘like the trail of a washed-out artist’s paintbrush’.”  He chuckled, throat gashed with a happy kind of pain as your voice did its best to emulate a laugh.  “That was when I knew I would always, always, love you.”

 

The monitor by your gurney beeped monotonously, various lines dictating your heartbeat, your life, your existence.

 

“Darling…” he pleaded without masking the breakage in his voice.  “I do not know if I have ever been brave, but I do know that you make me realize that I should be unafraid.  And I-“

 

You coughed, and the monitor almost went crazy.  Almost.

 

Loki gulped.  He didn’t stop the tears that fell from his eyes.  “And I… I will always be grateful.”

 

You forced a smile, sniffling.  “That’s nowhere near how the universe must look like.”

 

He chuckled a watery laugh.  That was another thing he admired about you: you never let your wit and humor fade, no matter the situation or circumstance.

 

“But I know that there will be times when you will forget,” you said, your voice as small as a child’s.  “But, Loki, my love… I will never not be by your side.”

 

Loki swallowed, eyebrows meeting in the center.  His head hurt; the size of his pain began at the distance between his brows, streaming downward until it pooled behind his ribcage.  How you could still be thinking about him even in your state was beyond his understanding.  He had been alive for so long, but it seemed you had existed perhaps even longer than him.  You had taught him how to _live_.  You knew it all, and you knew him, even when he didn’t know himself.

 

Your hand reached for his face, wiping away his tears.  He wept even harder, grasping your rough hand, leaving a kiss on your palm.

 

“Please don’t leave me,” he begged.  “I don’t know where I’ll be.  I don’t know what will happen…”

 

You clung harder onto his hand, smiling weakly.  “You don’t have to worry, Loki.”

 

“You’ve kept me upright for so long.  I don’t know…” his voice was becoming more inaudible by the second.  “I’m scared…”

 

“I’ll always be beside you,” you said softly.  “As long as you remember me, I’ll always be alive.”

 

The only sound in the room was Loki’s soft sobs.  That, and the continuous beeping of the monitor by your bed.  About fifteen minutes later, the beeping stopped, merging into a long singular note.  Loki’s sobs became louder that he didn’t even have to call for a doctor to come in; they heard him, and soon a male doctor and two nurses rushed into the room.

 

Loki sits in the windowsill of his bedchamber, gazing at nothing in particular.  Every word you uttered to him rings in his head like the echoes of an immensely loud bell.  Every little thing about you comes to him like a flood, devastating what is left of the strength he has gathered.  It has only been a day, but why does it feel like it has been a thousand years?

 

Finally, he braves himself to leave his room.  There is no one in the halls, not even Frigga who sure was concerned about Loki but gave him privacy all the more willingly.  Loki doesn’t know where he’s going; he’s letting his legs direct him where he must go.  And his legs are directing him up a long set of stairs, all the way to a door on the landing.  He opens the door, and ends up in the palace’s observatory.

 

A clear view of the heavens welcomes him.  He takes a deep breath, one that fills his lungs like a promise kept.  Tears brim his eyes until they fall down his face without desire of stopping.  He lets them stream freely downward, hitting the floor in small explosions.  At first it blurs his vision, but the more tears fell, the more his eyes seem to clear.

 

He can see the stars so well, blinking innocently down at him at different rates.  He is searching them for something only to realize that he is searching for _you_.  He wants so badly to somehow see you somewhere etched in the skies that blanket his world.

 

Suddenly, a star falls across, a shimmering golden trail following its descent.  Loki has to grip the balcony railing to stable himself.  And then he laughs, your words echoing in his ears: _Like the trail of a washed-out artist’s paintbrush_.

 

 _As long as you remember me, I’ll always be alive_.

 

 _I will,_ he promises.  _I will always remember you, my love_.


End file.
